Forced writing ahoy!

I don’t know what to type. I just sat here for 15 minutes drawing blanks on what to type just for the sake of having something typed for tomorrow’s class. The only thing I can grab onto as a prompt for writing is merely this frustration itself. Today, like many other days, I am confronted with a paradox: I don’t want to type every night because I know I’ll write even more badly than I apparently do anyway in comparison to others, but I want to post every night because that in itself is putting my greatest effort into the class.

What is it that I can do to make my posts worthy “of note” during class? I have almost no knowledge about writing good poetry, so I don’t even touch it. And if something during the day doesn’t strike me as something worth writing about, I feel defeated before I even start. If I create a little more internet traffic each day, will the posts look more appealing? Or am I not making enough personal essays to make progress in my writing?

Come to think of it, I do struggle with that a lot. A number of people have happily poured out parts of their life stories onto these blogs. I admire that they feel so open toward the class, I really do, but that’s something that I’m uncomfortable with sharing most of the time and I don’t know how they can do it. I have very few memories that I keep secret from people, but they stay with me. In other words, I have difficulty pouring out my heart to someone on the basis that he or she is my classmate.

Anyway, if I came off as disrespectful to anyone, let me say that I’m sorry and that that was not my intention at all. I’m just feeling frustrated at my current inabilities.