I am so sick of seeing these things

What do people often do when they have nothing better to do in their supposedly busy lives? They post or repost chain messages that are completely worthless other than giving you something to look at when you don't have a wall nearby with paint drying to stare at. I am guilty of spending a fair amount of time on livejournal in the past, and I currently have a myspace. Using these sites, I have conducted research to discover the secrets behind the art of creating chain messages, or as I like to call them, needless internet traffic.

Secret# 1) Obvious prediction posts are GOLD.

Always consider typing out predictions that a five year old child could create from his or her own experiences alone. It is frowned upon if you type something that is an original thought of your own, so don't bother. I will do my best to emulate such a post:

5 signs that you like a girl!

1) You find the girl attractive.

2) When the girl says hi to you, you don't tell her to go starve and die in a ditch.

3) You like the girl.

4) When someone asks you who you like, you think of that girl, because you like her.

5) <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Secret# 2) Do not dare ending the post without adding an empty and superstitious threat.

Because without this, you run the risk of the reader thinking that he or she would like the last 30 seconds of his or her life back that she spent reading your product. This last message lets the reader know that it's good that he/she read, or else bad things would have happened to them. Also, this addition is vital to spreading your "work" across countless computer screens. Here is a light one that one could use:

If you don't repost this to 15 other people, you will lose 30 years of your life. In addition, you will:
- have 13 years of bad luck
- the girl that you like (because you like her, remember? ^-^) will hate you and never want to see you again!
- your myspace friends will have one less useless link.
- in fact, all of your myspace friends will UN-ADD you! Even Tom will never want to have any of your userpics infect page 156 of his friends pages ever again!
- Your car will have 7 years of bad luck.
- You will only have 4 toes tommorow morning. I'm not telling which ones lol.

I have only just begun to scratch the surface of this subject, but if there are any requests from the readers, I will keep you posted.